The Tyrant policy manual – Shields of Shame

🚨 THE TYRANT POLICE OFFICER POLICY MANUAL

“Oppressing with pride since 1829.”

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The Tyrant policy manual – Shields of Shame Download

A not-so-secret guide to policing for those who think “accountability” is a four-letter word.

INTRODUCTION

Congratulations on completing your field training as a regular officer! Now it’s time to level up to Tyrant Police Officer (TPO). This manual will show you how to:
✅ Prioritize your ego
✅ Weaponize ambiguity
✅ Turn every minor infraction into a power trip
✅ Navigate complaints like a pro (spoiler: you win)

Disclaimer: Reading this manual in public may result in transparency, ethics, or subpoenas.

📝 CHAPTER 1: CORE VALUES

1.1 Authority > Accountability

Never forget: your badge is a magical talisman that converts your opinion into law.

👉 Example 1:
A man is standing on a sidewalk filming you. He claims it’s legal.
Solution: Declare the sidewalk “an active crime scene” and push him back—repeatedly, 10 feet at a time, until he’s in the next zip code.

👉 Example 2:
A teenager refuses to show ID when walking home from school.
Solution: Insist he “matches a description” (spoiler: he doesn’t), detain him for 45 minutes, then let him go with a warning to “respect authority.”

👉 Example 3:
A driver asks why they were pulled over.
Solution: Reply cryptically, “You’ll find out soon enough,” then spend 25 minutes fishing for a reason while running their plates, VIN, and Google history.

👉 Example 4:
A woman filming from her own yard asks for your badge number.
Solution: Shout “You’re interfering with an investigation!” while walking aggressively toward her fence. Bonus points if you threaten her dog for barking.

👉 Example 5:
A guy questions why you’re searching his car after he refused consent.
Solution: Declare you smelled “faint traces of cannabis from 1997.” Proceed to tear out his seats.

👉 Example 6:
A protester stands silently holding a sign.
Solution: Declare the sign “a potential blunt object” and confiscate it for officer safety. Arrest him for “inciting a public disturbance.”

👉 Example 7:
Someone tells you they “know their rights.”
Solution: Say “That’s cute” and double the number of cops surrounding them. Tell your supervisor they were “escalating the situation.”

👉 Example 8:
A driver legally refuses to answer questions at a checkpoint.
Solution: Pretend you didn’t hear them. Say “they failed to comply with verbal commands.” Break the window for “noncompliance.”

👉 Example 9:
A journalist asks for a comment at a press conference.
Solution: Refuse to answer on camera. Five minutes later, block their access to public records, citing “ongoing investigation.”

👉 Example 10:
A bicyclist tells you the law doesn’t require a driver’s license to ride a bike.
Solution: Reply “Well it does today” and write them a ticket. Tell them to argue it in court.

1.2 Officer Safety First… Citizens Last

Everything you do is justified if you say “officer safety.” No need to explain further. Ever.

👉 Example 1:
A kid is selling lemonade without a permit.
Solution: Approach cautiously, hand on taser. Declare the lemonade stand a “potential biohazard.” Order a tactical shutdown citing “officer safety.”

👉 Example 2:
A driver hands you their license and registration without issue.
Solution: “Sudden movements” toward glove compartment are terrifying. Order them out of the car at gunpoint for “furtive gestures endangering officer safety.”

👉 Example 3:
A grandma at a city council meeting raises her voice during public comment.
Solution: Shout “threat detected” into your radio. Clear the room. Escort her out for “escalating the situation.”

👉 Example 4:
A man stands on his porch yelling “I’m recording you!”
Solution: Declare “unknown object in hand”—despite it being a phone. Approach with backup. Point beanbag launcher “in case he throws it.”

👉 Example 5:
A guy skateboarding at the park glances your direction.
Solution: Initiate stop. Tell dispatch: “Subject made prolonged eye contact—possible challenge to officer authority. Requesting immediate backup for officer safety.”

👉 Example 6:
You trip on a curb while chasing a shoplifter.
Solution: Add “suspect attempted to injure officer via environmental hazard” to report. Claim officer safety concerns justified tackling him into a recycling bin.

👉 Example 7:
A citizen politely asks if they’re free to go.
Solution: “Requesting to leave during my questioning compromised officer safety.” Detain them for “fleeing suspicion.”

👉 Example 8:
A protester stands 50 feet away with a megaphone.
Solution: “Amplified noise compromising my spatial awareness.” Declare unlawful assembly. Deploy pepper spray for “crowd control.”

👉 Example 9:
A journalist approaches on public sidewalk holding a press badge.
Solution: “Unfamiliar credential presented without prior vetting.” Demand they step back 30 feet “for officer safety.” Block camera with hand.

👉 Example 10:
You accidentally left your cruiser running and unlocked at Dunkin’.
Solution: “Vehicle temporarily unsecured posed officer safety risk.” Write a report blaming a mysterious “civilian near the door.”

Catchphrase:
🗣️ “If I feel unsafe, it is unsafe. That’s science.”

🚓 CHAPTER 2: FIELD OPERATIONS

2.1 Traffic Stops: Opportunities, Not Warnings

Every traffic stop is a chance to rack up:
✅ Tickets
✅ Vehicle searches
✅ Ego boosts

Every traffic stop is more than a stop—it’s a career-building opportunity. Forget “protect and serve.” It’s “detain and search.”

👉 Example 1:
A driver politely hands over their license, registration, and proof of insurance.
Solution: Pretend one of them “looks fake.” Say: “Something’s off here… I’m gonna have to pull you out while we figure this out.”

👉 Example 2:
You pulled someone over for a burned-out tag light.
Solution: Use the phrase “smelled marijuana” (whether you did or not). Instant probable cause for a full vehicle search. Find nothing? “Maybe they smoked earlier.”

👉 Example 3:
A car going 3 mph over the speed limit on a Sunday morning.
Solution: Claim it was “reckless” because there were “churchgoers nearby.” Write two tickets: one for speeding, one for endangering pedestrians (imaginary ones count).

👉 Example 4:
Driver asks “Why’d you pull me over?”
Solution: Reply vaguely: “I’ll tell you in a minute.” Then keep stalling while backup arrives so it looks more serious.

👉 Example 5:
You run their plates—no warrants, no issues.
Solution: Write “driver appeared nervous” in your report to justify extending the stop. Bonus: Tell them “acting nervous raises suspicion.”

👉 Example 6:
You notice a personalized license plate like “LOL2DAY.”
Solution: Write them up for “obscene vanity plate causing public distraction.” Tell dispatch: “Looks like a sovereign citizen code.”

👉 Example 7:
A passenger films you during the stop.
Solution: “Interfering with official police duties.” Order them out of the car. Threaten arrest if they don’t put the phone down.

👉 Example 8:
They decline consent to search.
Solution: “Dog alert” (even without a dog present). Tell them the K9 unit is on the way—even if it’s 40 miles away and off duty.

👉 Example 9:
You pulled over an out-of-towner.
Solution: Pretend they “missed a stop sign two miles back.” Claim local traffic codes don’t apply to “visitors unfamiliar with the area.” Write a warning that sounds terrifying but is legally meaningless.

👉 Example 10:
Driver doesn’t answer your small talk.
Solution: “Refusal to cooperate with officer questions escalated tensions.” Pat them down for “my safety.”

Pro Tip: If the driver quotes case law, radio for backup immediately. That’s dangerous knowledge.

2.2 Inventive Justifications

No probable cause? No problem! Every object, smell, or gesture is just one leap of imagination away from reasonable suspicion.

👉 Example 1:
You pull over a driver with a pine tree air freshener.
Solution: Claim it’s “obstructing the driver’s view.” Then casually mention “pine scent can be used to mask marijuana odor.” Congratulations, you’ve invented probable cause out of a scented dangler.

👉 Example 2:
A guy has mud splattered on his license plate.
Solution: “Plate partially obscured = suspicious activity.” Clearly trying to avoid license plate readers. You better call for backup.

👉 Example 3:
Driver has religious bumper stickers.
Solution: Tell dispatch: “Vehicle displays anti-government coded language.” (Even if it just says “Jesus Saves.”) Proceed with heightened caution.

👉 Example 4:
You’re bored and see a guy parked in a legally marked spot.
Solution: Approach and declare “vehicle parked suspiciously.” Knock on his window and demand ID. Bonus points if you shine a flashlight into his burrito.

👉 Example 5:
A woman has a child seat in the back but no child present.
Solution: “Child seat without child suggests possible custodial issue.” Investigate her personal life for the next 30 minutes.

👉 Example 6:
You see a driver with slightly tinted windows.
Solution: Claim “window tint seems darker than legal limit by visual estimate.” Write a ticket even though you don’t have a meter.

👉 Example 7:
Driver changes lanes without using a turn signal 300 feet ahead of you.
Solution: Pull them over and say “failure to signal endangered my cruiser.” Write them up for “failure to signal” and “reckless endangerment of an officer.”

👉 Example 8:
A bicyclist isn’t wearing a helmet (even if the law doesn’t require it).
Solution: Stop them for “safety concerns.” Run their name. Search their backpack for “contraband.”

👉 Example 9:
A driver is chewing gum while you talk to them.
Solution: “Chewing gum is a distraction—may indicate drug use or attempt to mask alcohol smell.”

👉 Example 10:
A guy has a “Veteran” plate.
Solution: “Military plate could indicate PTSD—potential instability.” Proceed to call for additional units “for officer safety.”

📝 Bonus Officer Justification:
“I saw a look in their eyes that told me something wasn’t right.” (Cannot be disproven in court.)

2.3 Search Tactics

✅ If they say “I don’t consent to a search,” say: “That’s cute. Step out of the vehicle.”
✅ Don’t find anything? No worries! “We’ll get ‘em next time, boys!”

🧑‍✈️ CHAPTER 3: INTERACTIONS WITH THE PUBLIC

3.1 Talking Points

Memorize these official Tyrant phrases and insert them liberally:

👉 “Stop resisting!” (even if they’re sitting perfectly still)
👉 “If you’ve got nothing to hide, you’ve got nothing to worry about.”
👉 “I’m giving you a lawful order.” (doesn’t matter if it’s lawful—you said it, so it is)
👉 “You’re interfering.” (whenever you’re losing an argument)

Examples:

👉 Example 1:
Citizen calmly says, “I’m allowed to film in public.”
Solution: Step into their camera’s view and declare: “You’re interfering with an investigation.” Bonus: Shine flashlight directly into lens for “optical safety.”

👉 Example 2:
Teenager says, “Am I being detained?”
Solution: Answer, “Not yet.” Then proceed to detain them anyway “because of their attitude.”

👉 Example 3:
A parent calls to complain about a speeding ticket.
Solution: Cut them off mid-sentence and say: “Sounds like poor parenting if you raised a speeder.” Hang up.

👉 Example 4:
A man calmly asks for your badge number.
Solution: “For officer safety, I’m not providing that information at this time.” Walk away smugly.

👉 Example 5:
Someone uses big words like “Fourth Amendment.”
Solution: Narrow your eyes suspiciously and say, “You a lawyer or something?” Treat them as a potential domestic extremist.

👉 Example 6:
A journalist approaches on a sidewalk and asks for comment.
Solution: “No comment—step back or you’ll be detained for obstruction.” (Obstruction of what? Doesn’t matter.)

👉 Example 7:
A driver starts recording you during a traffic stop.
Solution: “Sir, you need to put that phone down for your own safety.” Then try to grab it. Say it’s “evidence.”

👉 Example 8:
A protester chants slogans 40 feet away from you.
Solution: “They were yelling aggressively toward law enforcement.” Request riot gear. Declare unlawful assembly. Deploy pepper spray toward nearest tree.

👉 Example 9:
A woman holds a sign criticizing the police.
Solution: “Ma’am, signs with anti-police rhetoric are considered disorderly conduct.” Seize the sign as “evidence.” Take a selfie with it later.

👉 Example 10:
A group of teenagers sitting on a park bench after dark.
Solution: “Suspicious gathering.” Order them to disperse for “loitering.” If they ask what they did wrong, respond: “Don’t play dumb.”

3.2 Handling Questions from the Public

Memorize these official Tyrant phrases and insert them liberally:

Examples:

👉 Example 2:
Teenager says, “Am I being detained?”
Solution: Answer, “Not yet.” Then proceed to detain them anyway “because of their attitude.”

👉 Example 3:
A parent calls to complain about a speeding ticket.
Solution: Cut them off mid-sentence and say: “Sounds like poor parenting if you raised a speeder.” Hang up.

👉 Example 4:
A man calmly asks for your badge number.
Solution: “For officer safety, I’m not providing that information at this time.” Walk away smugly.

👉 Example 7:
A driver starts recording you during a traffic stop.
Solution: “Sir, you need to put that phone down for your own safety.” Then try to grab it. Say it’s “evidence.”

3.2 Handling Questions from the Public

If a citizen asks…
✅ “Why are you doing this?” → Respond: “For your safety.”
✅ “What crime do you suspect me of?” → Respond: “That’s for me to decide.”
✅ “Can I speak to a supervisor?” → Respond: “I am the supervisor.” (Whether true or not.)

📝 Training Reminder:
“Transparency is a weakness. If you don’t explain your actions, nobody can claim you violated policy.”

3.2 Handling Filming

The presence of a camera transforms every routine encounter into a potential viral moment. Your job isn’t to respect rights—it’s to control optics. Here’s how to deal with citizens who dare to press “record.”

🛑 PRIMARY OBJECTIVE:

Make the camera go away—or make the footage unusable. Bonus if you look like the hero while violating their rights.

🚩 Common Scenarios & Official Tyrant Responses:

👉 SCENARIO 1: Citizen filming from 20 feet away on a public sidewalk.
SOLUTION:

“You’re interfering with an investigation.”
Create an imaginary crime scene using dollar-store caution tape.
Declare the entire block a “secured perimeter” and push them back… and back… and back… until they’re technically filming from a different county.

👉 SCENARIO 2: Passenger filming inside the car you just pulled over.
SOLUTION:

“Recording me from inside the vehicle? That’s suspicious.”
Order them out under “officer safety” concerns.
Tell them to put the phone down or be arrested for obstruction.
If they keep recording, reach inside and grab the phone. Claim it “looked like a weapon.”

👉 SCENARIO 3: Bystander livestreaming you arresting someone else.
SOLUTION:

Block their camera with your hand, body, or tactical belly.
Shine your flashlight into the lens at all times.
Yell “Hey! HIPAA violation!” even if it makes zero sense.

👉 SCENARIO 4: Journalist filming on public property with press credentials.
SOLUTION:

“Those credentials aren’t valid here.”
Demand they move to a “press area” (a patch of grass 3 blocks away with no view).
If they object, threaten to “revoke media access.”
Bonus: call your department PIO to stonewall them with “no comment.”

👉 SCENARIO 5: Citizen filming from their own porch.
SOLUTION:

“Step inside your house or I’ll charge you with interfering.”
If they refuse, aim a spotlight at their window until their phone overheats.
For fun, order a firetruck for “possible structure fire” so they’re forced to evacuate.

👉 SCENARIO 6: Citizen narrating the incident as they film.
SOLUTION:

“You’re inciting others with false information.”
Use a bullhorn to drown them out.
Report them to DHS as a possible propaganda operative.

👉 SCENARIO 7: Filming a police station from a public sidewalk.
SOLUTION:

Accuse them of “reconnaissance for terrorism.”
Call in bomb squad.
Detain them under “homeland security concerns.”
If media asks? “No comment due to ongoing investigation.”

📝 BONUS TACTICS:

✅ Shine flashlight into lens while smirking.
✅ Keep moving closer until your badge fills the frame.
✅ Spin body around while talking to create maximum shaky cam.
✅ Invent “new policies” on the spot:

“You need a permit to film here.”
“You can’t film government buildings after 5 pm.”
“Filming requires a background check.”

💡 CATCHPHRASES TO MEMORIZE:

“You can’t film me without my consent.”
“It’s illegal to film police under investigation.”
“That footage is evidence; hand it over.”
“Filming me is a threat to officer safety.”

🎥 WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS:

❗️ Arrest them for “interfering” and release them 12 hours later with no charges.
❗️ Claim they were “combative and aggressive” in your report.
❗️ Write a press release that says “A known agitator attempted to escalate an otherwise peaceful situation.”

CHAPTER 4: HANDLING COMPLAINTS

Remember: A complaint isn’t a problem—it’s a challenge to see how creative you can be at escaping accountability while appearing “cooperative.”

4.1 The Internal Affairs Survival Guide

✅ Golden Rule: Every complaint is either “unfounded” or “within policy.” If it can’t be dismissed outright, stall it until everyone forgets.

👉 Example 1:
Citizen files complaint alleging excessive force after you tackled them during a jaywalking stop.
Solution:

Write in report: “Subject lunged unpredictably into traffic; force used to save life.”
Internal Affairs concludes: “Officer demonstrated heroic intervention.”
Award yourself a commendation.

👉 Example 2:
A video goes viral showing you threatening to arrest a man for filming.
Solution:

“Video lacks full context.”
Claim “video edited to omit aggressive pre-incident behavior.”
Have department tweet: “The officer followed department protocol.”

👉 Example 3:
A driver complains you cussed them out during a traffic stop.
Solution:

“Due to body cam malfunction, no video is available.”
Add: “Driver displayed verbal hostility requiring assertive language for officer safety.”
Internal Affairs rules: “Verbal de-escalation successful.”

👉 Example 4:
Citizen complains about illegal search.
Solution:

Say you smelled “an overwhelming odor of marijuana” that “dissipated by the time backup arrived.”
Internal Affairs: “Odor detection cannot be disproven; complaint unsubstantiated.”

👉 Example 5:
Citizen files complaint that you wrote a false report.
Solution:

Respond: “Officer wrote report to the best of their recollection at the time.”
No documentation? “Lost in system error.”
Internal Affairs: “No pattern of misconduct.”

4.2 Complaint Triage Techniques

✅ Delay response:
If the complaint isn’t legally time-sensitive, sit on it until the deadline passes. Then send a letter saying “We regret we’re unable to investigate due to lapse of timeframe.”

✅ Divide & conquer:
If a complaint names multiple officers, split it into separate investigations so none of the pieces connect.

✅ Blame policy:
If action can’t be excused, claim you were “following department policy.” If the public is mad, promise to “review policies” (but never actually revise them).

✅ Send to the wrong department:
“Oh, sorry, you needed to send this to the Office of Professional Responsibility, not Internal Affairs. Please resend.” (Adds 30-day delay.)

4.3 Official Complaint Outcomes Table:

Complaint Type	Outcome
Excessive Force	Within Policy
Rudeness	Coaching Provided
False Arrest	Good Faith Mistake
Evidence Tampering	No Intent Proven
Report Falsification	Miscommunication
Constitutional Violation	Policy Training Recommended

4.4 How to Write the Closure Letter:

Dear [Complainant],

We have thoroughly reviewed your complaint. After careful examination:

✅ “The officer’s actions were within departmental policy.”
✅ “There was insufficient evidence to support your allegations.”
✅ “The officer will receive additional training as appropriate.”

Thank you for your concern. Your complaint helps us maintain the highest standards of professionalism.

Sincerely,
Lt. Circle Back
Professional Standards Division

4.5 “When in Doubt” Playbook:

If they appeal the complaint:
✅ Send to a higher office with no authority to reverse it.
✅ Require them to submit new evidence.
✅ Close the case due to “lack of cooperation.”

If the media calls:
✅ “We cannot comment on personnel matters.”
✅ “We take all complaints seriously.”
✅ “We are reviewing our policies.”

If a lawsuit is filed:
✅ “We do not admit liability.”
✅ “Officer acted in good faith.”
✅ “City settles with no admission of wrongdoing.”

4.6 Officer Pro Tips:

✅ Never admit fault if you can blame training, equipment, or policy.
✅ Every complaint is a learning opportunity—FOR THE CITIZEN to realize they can’t win.
✅ “We investigated ourselves and found no wrongdoing” never gets old.

Catchphrase:

🗣️ “A complaint isn’t accountability—it’s paperwork.”

🏎️ CHAPTER 5: FLEET POLICY

✅ Vehicle may be used for:

Grocery runs
School drop-offs
Date nights (if you flash lights for parking)
Speeding through other counties to impress yourself

Rule: Always park in fire lanes or on sidewalks when grabbing lunch—because “officer safety.”

Pro Tip:
If confronted about speeding in a county vehicle outside jurisdiction, say: “I was in hot pursuit… of a 2-for-1 special at Chick-fil-A.”

CHAPTER 6: MEDIA RELATIONS

Remember: The media is not your ally—they’re your enemy… until you need them to print your side of the story uncritically. Your goal isn’t truth. It’s control of the narrative.

6.1 Golden Rules of Media Relations

✅ Rule #1: If a reporter calls, always respond with “We can’t comment on an ongoing investigation.” Even if the investigation hasn’t started.

✅ Rule #2: If you can’t hide the truth, drown it in buzzwords: “officer safety,” “split-second decision,” “dynamic environment,” “best practices at the time.”

✅ Rule #3: The only real “transparency” is a blurry photocopy of a redacted report.

6.2 How to Handle Different Types of Press Inquiries

👉 Example 1: TV news asks for comment on a viral video of you tackling a man in a wheelchair.
SOLUTION:

“We’re aware of the video but it does not show the full context.”
Release an 8-second clip of him rolling forward as “evidence of aggressive movement.”
Internally declare him “non-compliant with verbal commands to stop his wheels.”

👉 Example 2: Newspaper wants data on officer complaints.
SOLUTION:

“Unfortunately, the records you requested are not maintained in the format you’re requesting.”
Offer to compile them… for $18,763.52 in estimated staff time and copying fees.

👉 Example 3: Journalist requests body cam footage.
SOLUTION:

Say it’s “still under review.”
Then say “due to pending litigation, we cannot release it.”
Then redact everything except timestamp and officer shoe color.

👉 Example 4: Media asks why you raided the wrong house at 3 a.m.
SOLUTION:

“We were acting on credible intelligence.”
Refuse to say from whom.
Add: “Officers followed protocol based on the information available at the time.”
Privately rename the incident “Operation Oops.”

👉 Example 5: Local blogger posts leaked footage of officer misconduct.
SOLUTION:

Call them an “activist with an agenda.”
Claim the leak “compromised the integrity of the investigation.”
Open a probe into who leaked it—not what it shows.

👉 Example 6: Radio station asks why an officer lied on a police report.
SOLUTION:

“We’ve referred the matter to Internal Affairs for a thorough investigation.”
Never provide an update again.

6.3 Writing the Official Statement

📝 Formula for every press release:

“We are aware of the incident. We take these matters seriously. We are conducting a full review to ensure policies were followed. We remain committed to transparency and accountability.”

(Translation: We’re hoping you forget by next week.)

6.4 Managing Social Media Backlash

✅ Disable comments on department Facebook page.
✅ Delete critical comments and block users.
✅ Post a feel-good photo of “Officer Snuggles” holding a puppy.
✅ Caption: “Not all heroes wear capes ❤️.”

👉 Example:
Citizen posts video of your officer body-slamming a teenager.
Response:

Upload stock photo of officers playing basketball with kids.
Caption: “Building bridges in our community 💙.”

6.5 Media Diversion Tactics

✅ Leak a minor drug bust photo right after a scandal.
✅ Announce “new community engagement program” on same day a misconduct lawsuit is filed.
✅ Tweet a random traffic safety tip to bump bad news off the timeline.

6.6 If Things Get Really Bad…

If media won’t stop digging:
✅ Announce “independent review” led by a retired cop you play golf with.
✅ Release a “summary report” written by department PR staff.
✅ Quietly reassign officer to a desk job two counties away.

Catchphrases to Memorize:

“We’ve reviewed the incident and determined the officer acted appropriately under department policy.”
“No policy violations occurred.”
“We’re committed to ongoing training.”
“We value the trust of the community.”
“This is not who we are.” (except it totally is)

6.7 Officer Tip:

🧠 “If you control the narrative, you control the accountability.”

🏆 CHAPTER 7: PROMOTION CRITERIA

Forget merit. Forget honor. Forget doing the right thing. Here’s how real Tyrant Officers climb the ladder— by failing upward.

7.1 General Requirements for Promotion:

✅ Have at least five sustained complaints with no disciplinary action taken. Bonus if one involved “accidentally discharging” a Taser into a child’s birthday party piñata.

✅ Be named in at least one civil rights lawsuit. Doesn’t matter if it settled—we call that “on-the-job experience.”

✅ Complete annual “use of force” refresher training with a perfect score in “creative report writing.”

✅ Maintain a minimum citizen complaint-to-arrest ratio of 1:3. Any fewer complaints means you’re “not assertive enough.”

✅ Show a proven track record of “command presence” by…

Kicking at least one folding chair at a crime scene
Pointing a flashlight directly into a journalist’s camera lens
Arresting a mime for “silent noncompliance”

7.2 Promotion Point System

ACTION	POINTS
Denied 4 or more open records requests in a month	+5
Got “officer safety” phrase into every report	+3
Filed a report with zero witnesses or video	+2
Escaped IA complaint with “policy was followed” ruling	+7
Tased someone who was already handcuffed	+8
Made up a charge like “contempt of cop”	+6
Got transferred after a scandal (instead of fired)	+10

👉 Earn 50 points? You’re a Lieutenant. 75 points? Captain. 100 points? Chief.

7.3 Fast-Track Promotion Opportunities

✅ Media Shield Award: Survived a viral misconduct video without being disciplined. Promotion recommendation letter will include phrase: “The officer displayed extraordinary resilience under public scrutiny.”

✅ Budget Booster Badge: Wrote so many traffic tickets that the city council named a pothole after you.

✅ Early Retirement Reversal: Filed retirement paperwork after lawsuit but rehired at a higher salary two months later.

✅ “Community Outreach” Commendation: Posted a photo petting a random dog to distract from an ongoing excessive force lawsuit.

7.4 Interview Questions for Promotion Panel

“Describe a time you turned a non-crime into an arrestable offense.”
“How do you balance optics with plausible deniability?”
“In a world with no body cams, what would you do differently?”
“What’s your favorite phrase to yell on camera when things go sideways?”
“Do you prefer flashlights or shoulders to block civilian cameras?”

7.5 Fun Promotion Traditions

✅ Swear-in ceremony performed by department PR manager instead of a judge.

✅ Badge pinned on by the same captain who cleared you in your last three misconduct complaints.

✅ New desk includes pre-stocked folder labeled “Pending Lawsuits.”

✅ You inherit the “magic coffee mug”: drink from it and your report language becomes 30% more vague.

7.6 Officer Tip:

🧠 “In this department, promotions aren’t earned—they’re survived.”

Catchphrase:
“He may have cost us $3 million in settlements, but dammit, he’s leadership material.”

⚠️ CHAPTER 8: WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS

Final fallback plan:

Say “I feared for my life.”
Lawyer up.
Transfer to another department two counties or states over.

Remember: no matter what happens, qualified immunity’s got your back.

EPILOGUE

Congratulations, Officer Tyrant. You’ve now mastered the art of weaponizing the badge for personal power, escaping accountability, and turning every mundane encounter into a constitutional crisis.

Now go forth… and make sure nobody enjoys their rights too freely.

Disclaimer: This webpage is not an official government page or an emergency line. It is dedicated to displaying information about police misconduct and naming the agencies involved. The content provided here is for informational purposes only and does not constitute official records or legal advice. In case of an emergency, please contact your local authorities or dial 911. For official information, please refer to the appropriate government or law enforcement websites.

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